: I'm (Mostly) Not Dead

OK then, so I haven't really updated the website for a while...

There are reasons for this of course, some work things, some personal happenings etc... Instead of harping on about all these excuses explanations for delays (*ahem* I also have glandular fever at the moment, by the way... ;), I think now is a good time for someone else to help me do a site update for once.

This way I figure it creates the illusion that the website has been updated with actual substance, but in reality I'm just recycling content submitted by loyal/misguided Pants visitors. As I was compiling a bunch of messages sent to me via the Talk To Pants and Q&A sections, it wasn't hard to notice the distinctly international theme present.

Today's first user-submitted comment comes from Russia. And with love (apparently) although if you ask me, I doubt Ivana's sincerity...

From: Ivana Sergeyevich
Sent: Thursday, 3 July 2008 6:34 PM
Subject: I love you!

I have been have heart broken! Please send much moneys to me in Russia and I promise I come meet you in your home country! I need VISA to come visit and Mastercard are refusing to supply me if I no have enough money.
 
Send email to me with your account details and I will arrange for deposit of funds into my account, please!
 
Sorry, I no speaka good English.
 
From Russia With Love,
 
Aww Awwwwwwwww.

Actually on second thought, looking at this a bit closer, I'm not even too sure if this was sent from Russia with love at all. Looking at the capitalization of the second-to-last line and the slightly odd squawking on the last comment, Ivana might just be a really big James Bond fan. I'm not too sure either way because I haven't heard back from her since I sent the bride money she was after... :(

This next comment comes from the clean, pristine & polite country of Canada:

From: Lenny
Sent: Friday, 27 June 2008 4:51 AM
Subject: We can shpi your emdications overnight FREE.

Canadain Healht & Caer Mlal
Can't find the right place to buy iVagra, Cialsi, Levtira or Soma?
Aware of fruad or poor medciations?
 
Visit Candaian Heatlh & Caer aMll and you won't regret!
 
Hihg-qulaity iVagra, Cialsi, Levitar and Soam and other emdications. Vsiit Us

Something tells me that Lenny's overdose of Viagra has drained all of the blood from his head (the one on his shoulders) and that explains all the typos in his message... Oh well.

The next user-submitted comment in this cop-out horribly lazy Pants update comes from the beautiful and always supportive Lady Beth. She's been a long-time reader of this site and she's never afraid to tell me when I'm being slack, and that's exactly what she's telling me here. Unlike previous times though, this time she is calling me slack in poem form...:

From: Lady Beth
Sent: Sunday, 6 July 2008 9:06 PM
Subject: Stranger

Stranger, how have you been?
Stranger, I have not seen,
Any posts.
What does this mean?
Could it be that you are hiding,
Wanting to be unseen...?
 
LOLOLOLOL
 
I was feeling poetic...
 
But really...
What you been up to?

Aww, so sweet... I wish more people sent me poetry. :)

I really do seem to get a lot of comments from overseas visitors. Here's another from Russia:

From: Natalya
Sent: Sunday, 22 June 2008 4:52 PM
Subject: Looking for love

Dear Adam,
 
It's a bit awkward for me to write letters and start communication with the man myself. I've been living in a world where man has to make the first approach and show his interest. But I believe that you want to be happy and if you want to love what you have, you have to make that first step and start doing something.
 
I have decided to make that first step that is sometimes so difficult to make. I hope that this act will bring us to something very special and that our hopes will come true. If you also looking for something special and tired of social rules and want to find the true love no matter where it comes from, I will be waiting for an answer from you at http://dreamsaboutlady.com/7767/
 
Goodbye
Natalya S

Enough with the personals! I've had my heart broken far too many times; I just can't take those types of messages any more. :(

From: Ooki
Sent: Wednesday, 21 May 2008 5:49 PM
Subject:

OK, so maybe I am happy to keep on getting those sorts of emails... ;)
So keep on sending in your comments, messages like Ooki's are always welcomed.
 

: ZOMG I'm Famous!!1one

I've been running this website here for over 5 years now and quite often when I mention it to people, I get questions asking "What's the point?" or similar. I don't really know how to answer those sorts of questions — to me, Pants was simply just a place where I can dump my random thoughts and stupid photos, but that sometimes doesn't make a lot of sense to some people.

But all this may have changed if last month is anything to go by. You see, a senior photo editor of ZOO Weekly magazine somehow stumbled across my website and approached me to see if they could publish some of my photos in their publication. I'd never read ZOO before but I said "Go for it", gave them what they were asking for and there you go, some of my stuff was published in Issue 105 last week in a hard-hitting showcase of journalism in an article titled Kids TV Babes Stripped. And when I say "article", I of course mean "pictorial", because I suspect the typical ZOO reader is more interested in boobies than words with more than two syllables.

So now a few of my photos are taking up nearly a whole page and my name and website address is in really tiny vertical print on the side of a following page of a magazine targeted at misogynistic idiots and boys too young to Google for pictures of breasts.

So because I'm here expressing distaste at this stupid publication*, why did I say yes to being published? Exposure is good basically, and I can now (legitimately) say I am a published freelance photographer. I could go on and on about various readership stats (ZOO has over 122,000 subscribers each week, the parent company ACP Magazines are Australia's largest publisher, selling 3 mags every second, etc...), but it doesn't really mean anything anyway.

The most important thing that's come out of this is not getting bragging rights or getting published or even having my name mentioned alongside Getty Images without the words "restraining" and "order" contained in the same sentence. The biggest reward I've gotten out of this is more of an intellectual or mental thing — it's the mere thought that because someone at ZOO managed to find my website while searching for boobies, that just gives me hope that someone like Ana Ivanovic or Yumiko Udo or Trent Rizzle will find my site while Googling themselves, and then subsequently profess their undying love for me.

Here's hoping... :)

* Seriously guys, love your work. Let me know if you need some more of my stuff... :P