The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Questions & Answers

Here's your chance to send me any of the sensible (or stupid) questions on your mind, treating the website as if it was your own personal Magic 8-Ball. I'll try to answer any questions that come my way, they don't necessarily need to be questions about me or the website (although those kinds of questions were the original purpose of this page). Multiple-choice questions are also fun.

To submit a question:

Simply go to this page and fill out the form fields. When you've entered your question, click the Send button and that's really all there is to it. I'll get the question and hopefully have a response posted up within a day or so (unless the question was spam or blatantly unsuitable...).

To browse the questions & responses:

The most recent questions posted (along with my answers) appear below, newest questions appearing at the top. I have just launched this section of the site so I'm expecting a slow start on things, but we'll see how it goes. Remember, any questions are welcome...

Amy writes:
In lots of your picture ducks are featured, are they the preferred animal of pants network? And is there a reason for this?
Thanks for your question Amy... You know I hadn't really considered it before but I suppose you're right, there is a disproportionate amount of ducks on the website.
I can't say that there was a particular reason for all the ducks, that creek just happened to be close to my house. Until such time as someone can suggest a better representative, I think that the duck could become the spiritual mascot of Pants...
Although I'm not too sure whether it's actually a duck or some of mutant, I specifically think the thing in the top-most shot here best represents this website. It scared the hell out of me when I was at the creek and it started chasing me... Eek.

Fred Schneider writes:
Where's my telephone?
Oh, I think you left it in th-- hey wait a second! Are you the real Fred Schneider...?!?
It must be hard work trying to save all those rock lobsters...?

(Dr.) Howser MD writes:
That's not Trent Reznor! That's Alan Moulder!!! You're wrong... wait a minute, perhaps you're meant to be wrong. This is, after all, only version 0.85!
("Question" in response to a November news update...)
Everything on this website intentional, including any errors or tpyos.

George Spartels writes:
I've got three possibilities that I've come up with for your über-abstract happy birthday message after reading your current pants update.
1) The title has the word "Boogie" in it, which, is very similar to "Doogie" who's birthday it happened to be on 25th of September. Perhaps this subtle hint to his name was a über-abstract reference to the fact that it was his and his birthday's fault that your pants update did not get completed in time.
2) You *forgot* to mention Doogs' birthday, and instead just decided to take the easy way out, and pretend that there was some über-abstract reference to his birthday in the update, when there wasn't.
3) Or, and this I find more likely, you *forgot* to mention Doogs' birthday just like someone, just to piss Doogs' off.
Which one of these guesses is closest to the mark, and why?
(If you don't know who George Spartels is, I suggest you check out this site. Wait a minute, after seeing that picture, I suggest you don't)
Wow George, it's obvious that you've put a bit of thought into all of this...
Although none of the options are correct explanations, I would say that the most accurate is probably #3. I did actually forget to mention Doogs' birthday when I had done most of the update work in September, that part is true.
Although it wasn't necessarily to piss Doogs off, I intentionally neglected to mention the birthday when I was finishing up the update in November however... I thought it would be nice if I could squeeze in a (late) mention of Sept. 25, but I felt it didn't fit the flow of the article so I scrapped the idea.
So the mystery remains unsolved...

Peter Combe writes:
Don't listen to the Don, he doesn't know what he's talking about. I understand perfectly well that the 29th is when someone thought a certain someone else's birthday was and that is why you were aiming for the 29th. Uber-abstract birthday message solved! Am I right?
You're right about Don not knowing what he's going on about (goanna care has never been his strong suit), but I think you're wrong about the other stuff though...
I was well aware that someone I knew had a birthday on September 25th (not the 29th), because I distinctly remember they went to Melbourne to watch their favourite team get slaughtered in the AFL Grand Final. I have a good memory, I don't forget details like this easily...
The 25th/29th proposal would've easily solved the ambiguous "über-abstract happy birthday" keyword on the October archives index, aside from the minor detail that I don't think that's quite abstract enough to warrant the über prefix. That would merely make the keyword "abstract happy birthday", nothing more.
Keep searching though, you're getting close to solving the mystery...
Just think more abstract. :)

Don Spencer writes:
In your recent "October" Pants update you mention that you had aimed to submit the review on "September 29th". Is this a typo and did you in fact mean to write "September 25th?" Just curious... What are you goanna do? Where's a goanna goanna go?
September 25th? As in the day of the 2004 AFL Grand Final?
No, it definitely wasn't a typo. I really was intending to publish that update on the 29th.
Also, normally a goanna goanna goes in its cage cage, unless it wants to risk being devoured by its natural predator, the pokie machine.

Biscuit writes:
Just HOW tasty is pantsnetwork, and what are the relative proportions of bran and crunch?
Wow, those are a very good questions. The answer to the first part is easy: this website is delightfully tasty. For the second part, how about we consult the trusty Pants Network-exclusive Graphomatic™?

« The Pants perfectly tasty marriage

Bran :- 42%
Crunch :- 56%
Content :- 2%

I hope this answers your questions, you should now have a better understanding of what this website is all about...

doogenhausen writes:
Are you sure fish-face was a bass player? Me thinks not...
(Question in response to a September news update...)
Good point. I'm not 100% sure that the Devo fishmonger was indeed the one playing bass, but have you ever seen a trout play a normal guitar?
I didn't think so...
doogenhausen responds:
Perhaps fish-face could have been a deep-sea bass player?!? I know...dodgy comment and not really a question. Someone really should slap me for even thinking it...

Bezzy writes:
Are you single?
Yes, there is just one of me.

Have a fetish for curvy punctuation marks? Submit a question here.