The time machine that doubles as a toilet.

News Archives

Available below are archived news articles that have been posted on Pants Network in the past. All articles are grouped by month, although some months don't appear because I obviously wasn't inspired enough to post anything. That, or I'm just lazy...

Each month has a selection of keywords listed underneath it. These are here so you can find an article if you know what you're looking for, but also to help you visualise how this website continually repeats itself via a select number of recurring themes.

Good insulation providers, roll call, Metamucil, cyclic redundancy, broken carousel, nostalgia, reminiscing, Google realignment, (island) stalking, erotic newsletter, subtitles, memorable firsts, Wiggles, "I need an exit", switcheroo, spot the difference, product placement, more stalking, pirates (no, not Captain Feathersword), solid work ethic, (subtitled) stalking, Underwater Big Band, two thumbs up, fruitless excuses, (auto) mad propz, stalking, product placement, mindless consumerism, nostalgia, nine thumbs up, I'm Eddie, The Sims 2 world-first, pirates, spot the difference, site updates, more excuses.
Snowball, nostalgia, "The first rule of Thermodynamics Club is...", excuses, slow news day, Google realignment, product placement, déjà vu, stupid attention-seeking whores, subtitles, lesbians, Martina, stalking, erotic newsletter, two buns up, two thumbs up, more product placement, photography, nipples, shameless promotion, Victor (hence, unattractive men), tinky tings, free laundry, yeah Babylon, stupid self-promoting talentless hack, even more product placement, another stupid attention-seeking whore, midgets, wishful thinking.
Wasted youth, people are idiots, rollercoaster, Lumbergh, reminiscing, nostalgia, über site updates, antiques shopping on the weekend, arithmetic, Lumbergh (again), wishful thinking, multiple choice, memorable firsts, evil genius, lost in translation population, two thumbs up, mad propz, "Sportsdesk, hai!", vast improvement.
Product placement, Powerpup, employed unemployment, extremely wishful thinking, mission impossible, Mayuko, subtitles, (unashamed) stalking, spot the difference, length vs. breadth, erotic newsletter, meat & potatoes, lost delayed in translation, mission accomplished, "Sportsdesk, hai!", more stalking, excuses, more subtitles, (reverse) stalking, childhood sweetheart, memorable firsts, wishful thinking, (ambiguously directional) stalking.
Fussy eater, old-skool street cred, chomp, damn hippies, The Hoff, Superman, Google realignment, subtitles, nipples, erotic newsletter, "Sportsdesk, hai!", (pointless) product placement, Patrick Duffy, damn Germans, Patrick Duffy (again), more damn hippies, Herbert Morrison, nostalgia, Joey Pants, Britney, studio execs, Muppets, arithmetic, Iron Chef, lesbians, stupid talentless hacks, Costanza, white wedding, Johnny Bravo, déjà vu, baby, baby (one more time), witty stupid album reference, chequebook journalism, Cletus, Michael Jackson, Matt Lauer, Jack Bauer, nudity, (questionable) animal cruelty, HTF Didot, multiple choice, (gender) stalking, art critic, product placement, wardrobe malfunction, stupid attention-seeking whore, Google realignment, transmogrified, Britney, Paris Hilton (hence, stupid attention-seeking whore), more nostalgia, stupid talentless hacks, happy birthday, mad propz.
Reminiscing, nostalgia, "Kidsch go school?", inability to handle the truth, rivals, mindless consumerism, (buggy) amnesia, gender re-assignment, Britney, Mr. Freeze, product placement, Bubbles, Colonel Klink, nipples, puppies, wedgie, gender re-assignment (again), stupid attention-seeking whores, déjà vu, MC Escher (hence, Hammer Time), bug city, product placement, (strategically witty) consumerism, MC Honky (hence, more Hammer Time), bug metropolis, David Copperfield, Queens, Billy Blaze, musical doggies, Abe Lincoln, Dick Clark, unapologetic, doo pwa, TV's Dean Cain, stupid emotion-limited "actors".
Wishful thinking, site updates, mission impossible, Clipsal 500, photography, (thoroughly-researched) Google realignment, product placement, (almost) nudity, Graphomatic™, "Sportsdesk, hai!", Martina, minutiae, human-sized Muppets, more Google realignment, doing it for the fans, stupid talentless fluff, prosthetic wit, subtitles, Bust-A-Move (actually, busted moves), more stupid talentless fluff, damn (Greek-born) yankees, blasphemy, doo pwa, damn frenchies, nostalgia, wishful thinking.
Pizza Hut, Clipsal 500, photography, excuses, arithmetic, (eventual) Google realignment, wishful thinking, doing it for the fans, happy birthday, dying wishes, chequebook journalism, Delacroix, "Sportsdesk, hai!", antiques shopping on the weekend, stupid attention-seeking whores (x3), product placement, Simon Deering (hence, stupid attention-seeking whore again), Muppets, mindless consumerism, minutiae, product placement, disbelief, art critic, blasphemy, more product placement, rubber ducky (hence Ernie (hence muppets)), muppets (again), (island) stalking, borrowed wit.
Clipsal 500, photography, mission impossible, site updates, excuses, wishful thinking, Guy Smiley, muppets, nipples, odd one out, occupational health hazard, "The goggles, they do nothing!", Lucy in the sky (but no diamonds), rescheduled ogling, (stupid) excuses, doing it for the fans, product placement, art critic, typophile, minutiae, hell on earth, product placement (again), more minutiae, déjà vu, Google realignment, stolen property, stupid unoriginal hacks, subtitles, excuses, looking forward.
Reminiscing, mindless consumerism, product placement, Google realignment, nipples, new model, déjà vu inside, déjà vu outside, circles, damn hippies, not-so-subtle camera stalking, more product placement, I love you Masakazu Kumakura, wishful thinking, looking forward, Big Day Out, wishful thinking (again), unwilling participant, broken clocks, Dr. Pepper, short stuff, damn yankees, Avril, (island) stalking, chequebook journalism, bouncy, stupid talentless thugs, Simon Deering, stolen property, stupid unoriginal hacks, leggy letters, talkative anger management, Simon Deering (again), damn (tasty) yankees, stupid derivative hacks, aged & drug-addled lean meat, stupid talentless turds, leggy letters, logistical thumbs up, Blokes World, apple & blackcurrent Callipo, 20% content.
Farewell, wasted youth, hall of fame, David Hasselhoff, mad propz (x13), arithmetic, dry wit, sports, sheep, culture shock, mindless consumerism, "Kidsch go school?", déjà vu, Martina, stalking, erotic newsletter, two buns up, two thumbs up, wishful thinking, big hair, journalistic integrity, intriguingly smooth, damn yankees, two thumbs up (again), looking forward, weightwatchers, amputation, "I need an exit", "I've found an exit", dirty campers, highest bidder.
Broken clocks, (legitimate) excuses, cost cutting, blasphemy, armageddon, subtitles, lost delayed in translation, disappointment, product placement, pretty chickens, dry wit, sheep, damn yankees, Abe Lincoln, product placement, racial stereotypes, mad propz, roadtrip, memorable firsts, broken clocks, (reverse) mad propz, Duke Phillips, wishful thinking, excuses, tour guide, (almost) sheep, product placement, "Sportsdesk, hai!" (x3), roll call, Google realignment, pirates, lost in translation, more realignment, (expanded) roll call, "I need an exit", wishful thinking, erotic newsletter, mad propz (again), whammy bar, wardrobe malfunction, product placement, charitable, sardines, two thumbs up, stinky cheese, cavity search, "Sportsdesk, hai!", (ambiguously directional) stalking, déjà vu, hacky sack, popularity contests, sheep, Google realignment, more sheep, nudity, god damn those stupid sheep, The List, wishful thinking, more stinky cheese, pirates, mad propz, dude, pendant keychain.
Weightwatchers, performance anxiety, lost in translation, karma, Fresh Prince, lesbians, confusion, product placement, weightwatchers (again), biskits, musical doggies, Abe Lincoln, mindless consumerism, product placement, sheep, powerwalking, déjà vu, excuses, reminiscing, fist, Trent, blasphemy, photography, stereotypes, wishful thinking, oil, mad propz, viagra, déjà vu, crabs, The List, wishful thinking, Britney, "Sportsdesk, hai!", mad propz (again), (more) wishful thinking, up the duff, subtitles, product placement, fruit salad, yellow, sheep, "Sportsdesk, hai!", stalking, subtitles, roll call, pensioner's discount, Google realignment, excuses, stalking (again), "Sportsdesk, hai!", duggies, two thumbs up, (almost) excuses, reminiscing, Tight, happy birthday, "I need an exit", chequebook journalism, (questionable) stalking, ignorant bliss, Fernando Martinez, crabs, The List, looking forward, princess, wishfully thinking of erotic newsletters, so lonely, product placement, mindless consumerism, excuses, more wishful thinking, site updates, Duke Phillips, broken clocks, damn yankees, blue bluegrass blues, biskits, lookalikes, Doctor Worm, Avril, lesbians, teen angst, wishful thinking, popularity contests, Britney.
Muppets, Playmomen®, cheese fries, The Bangles, déjà vu, cutlery, magical balls, witty album reference, The Doors, American McGee, Guy Smiley (hence, more muppets), nipples, Abe Lincoln, musical doggies, "I need an exit", pensioner's discount, so lonely, erotic newsletter, lesbians, Google realignment, product placement, wishful thinking, apathetic confusion, Doctor Worm, miracles, The Thebby, stupid talentless thugs, tree-fiddy, dry wit, more muppets, subtitles, stupid talentless turds, funky piano, stinky cheese, Viagra, performance anxiety, über broken clocks, duggies, Franklin, a whole lotta oranges, Colonel Sanders, Dr. Phil, R.E.M., excuses, The Vapors, reminiscing, Iron Chef, Mayuko, "Sportsdesk, hai!", (international celebrity) stalking, (island) stalking, unapologetic, wishful thinking, site updates, product placement, "Frankly, I prefer *that* shot...", déjà vu, lost in translation, public holiday, tulips, Dr. Sbaitso, sheep, easter, arithmetic, excuses, subtitled David Copperfield, alone in the dark, broken clocks, déjà vu, David Copperfield (again), chequebook journalism, (dodgy) subtitles, roll call, Delacroix, (transcontinental) stalking, "Sportsdesk, hai!", INXS, classic musicals, apathetic confusion (again).
Wishful thinking, subtitles, so lonely, weather, footwear, stunt jocks, godzilla, subtitles, two thumbs up, yellow capsicum, chequebook journalism, familiar faces, (transcontinental) stalking, "Sportsdesk, hai!", weather, Godzilla, Doctor Worm, fruit salad, excuses, yellow capsicum (again), banquet, racial stereotypes, déjà vu, wishful thinking, (ambiguously directional) stalking, so lonely, ignorant bliss, (more) excuses.
Erotic newsletter, roadtrip, memorable firsts, blue sky, explosions, momentary happiness, cavity search, mad propz, déjà vu, Duke Phillips, (elderly) amnesia, popularity contests, blasphemy, Trent, dentistry, Dr. Jordania, erotic newsletter (again), déjà vu (again, how ironic), crowd control, roadtrip, (elderly) stalking, product placement, Fernando Martinez, subtitles, "Sportsdesk, hai!", two thumbs up, wishful thinking, roll call, subtitles, improvements, more subtitles, looking forward, déjà vu, The Fonz, Britney, Tight, (arguable) stalking, Google realignment, (questionable) stalking, ignorant bliss, excuses.
Videogames, caffeine, nipples, damn yankees, Australian sheep, chequebook journalism, "Ko-wab!", government bullshit, wishful thinking, highest bidder, broken clocks, site updates, Clipsal 500, photography, cautiously unapologetic, (almost) nudity, butts, Google realignment, excuses, "Frankly, I prefer *that* shot...", looking forward, so lonely, (almost) reciprocal stalking, princess, wishful thinking.
Roadtrip, Fernando Martinez, Trent, so lonely, corn starch, highest bidder, back stabbing, dirty campers, popularity contests, product placement, charity, butts, wardrobe malfunction, Avril, subtitles, déjà vu, lookalikes, wishful thinking, Mayuko, Iron Chef, stalking, more déjà vu, subtitles, "Sportsdesk, hai!", stalking (again), wishfully thinking of erotic newsletters. :)
David Hasselhoff, momentary happiness, David Copperfield, back stabbing, switcheroo.
Arithmetic, Trent, déjà vu, stinky cheese, corn starch, dentistry, pirates, Graphomatic™, broken clocks, (fishing for) excuses, powerwalking, slippers, weightwatchers, Doogie Howser, amputation, disappointment, blasphemy, ancient proverbs, Abe Lincoln, musical doggies, pirates (again), cowboys, happy birthday, broken clocks, another happy birthday, amnesia.
Sesame Street, wishful thinking, product placement, claustrophobia, butts, ninjas, excuses, blue sky, show-offs, mimes, more wishful thinking, glue sniffing, Clipsal 500, photography, "Frankly, I prefer *that* shot...".
Happy birthday, wishful thinking, Big Day Out, old men, chocolate, afros, gender re-assignment, nudity, stupid talentless thugs, gender re-assignment (again), crowd control, happy birthday (another one), photography, excuses, product placement, mindless consumerism, wishful thinking, site updates.
Site updates, excuses, wishful thinking, broken clocks, Big Day Out, apple & blackcurrent Callipo, stupid talentless turds, more wishful thinking, subtitles, déjà vu, Wimbledon, damn yankees, big hair, Martina, stalking.
Sheep, mindless consumerism, selflessness, pretty ponies, wishful thinking, product placement, photography, weightwatchers, erotic newsletter, photography, more product placement, more wishful thinking, mindless consumerism (again), Britney, crabs, (former) reciprocal stalking, déjà vu, The List.
Crabs, Iron Chef, yellow capsicum, stalking, wishful thinking, subtitles, site updates, excuses, sunlight, The Thebby, product placement, weightwatchers, Queens, Grohl, stinky cheese, Nickelback, funky piano, Canadaland, "Frankly, I prefer *that* shot...", Dr. Jordania, stupid talentless hacks/turds/fluff, recycling, Trent, corn starch, site updates (not mine), wishful thinking (not mine), "Kidsch go school?", wishful thinking, product placement (again), still more wishful thinking.
Excuses, site updates, über-abstract happy birthday, more excuses, broken clocks, wishful thinking, "I need an exit", erotic newsletter, subtitles, Britney, lesbians, studio execs, product placement, lesbians (again), Google realignment, aggravated assault, teen angst, Graphomatic™, more subtitles, sheep, even more lesbians.
Metallica, excuses, site updates, wishful thinking, The Thebby, Devo, fishy bassists, Queens, funky piano, more Devo, Big Day Out, wishful thinking (again).
Site updates, incontinence, Britney, tasty cheese, erotic newsletter, wishful thinking, Trent, site updates (not mine), Grohl, stinky cheese, Queens, lamb chops, Lars, facials, stupid talentless turds, corn starch, more wishful thinking.
Site updates, false promises, happy birthday, Avril, Britney, sheep, generation gaps, teen angst, studio execs, opera, Graphomatic™, stupid talentless hacks, Wimbledon, Martina, stalking, more false promises.
Site updates, false promises, happy birthday, Trent, wishful thinking, corn starch, another happy birthday.
Clipsal 500, photography, blue sky, false promises, ninjas, Lenny, more photography, Big Day Out, ass seats, The Thebby, gender re-assignment, nipples.
Big Day Out, racial stereotypes, Metallica, apple & blackcurrent Callipo, subtitles, nipples, Britney, stupid talentless hacks, Iron Chef, yellow capsicum.
Britney, false promises, stupid talentless hacks, Costanza, white wedding, The Thebby, Queens, Devo, more Britney.
Britney, stupid talentless hacks, mad propz, Agent Smith, Tight Pants, Joey Pants.